Should you date an ex boy/girlfriend of a friend?

It takes a special person to accomplish this goal. I know I don’t possess the necessary traits to mentally pull this off. It really is not about the “sloppy seconds” theory, it is more about having someone to myself that nobody knows anything about, especially in bed. While this topic may be hard for a woman to deal with, it is even a harder pill for a man to swallow. Take the case in point my friend, we will call him “Ken”. Ken was dating a female that he knew from college. They had a cool relationship, and everything seemed fine. They traveled together, attended family functions together and spent a lot of time getting to know each other. During the course of their relationship it was mentioned to him that his girl “Karen” had dated a friend of his. “Ken” was aware of this relationship, however when it was apparent to him that other people knew, he pulled away from “Karen”. Eventually his distance became apparent and they ended their relationship.When “Ken” and I discussed the demise of his relationship, he told me he could not deal with the thought that she was sexually active with his friend. But the situation was worse when other people started to mention it to him. The thought of her being in a figure four with another man that he knew was too much for him to handle.
This is why I say it takes a special person to date an ex or a past jump off of a friend. Most men would not have a problem hittin’ it but they would definitely take issue with making the girl “wifey”. In order for a man to take this relationship seriously, he has to be completely secure with himself. He has to be able to separate every aspect of his friend’s relationship and the one he now has with this woman. Of course, the other issue is if it’s morally correct? Should you be dating an ex of a friend? My theory is simple on this..in the words of Beyonce..IF YOU LIKED IT YOU SHOULD HAVE PUT A RING ON IT!!!

Sensae..This topic was your baby…What say you??

Nevaeh

I say it’s not my mode of operation; but, hey…it happens.  Although, this one question forces me and others to probe even further.  Additional thoughts quickly come to mind such as “What is the extent of the friendship between these individuals?”,  “How long ago did these 2 people date?”, and  “Was it a serious relationship; or, a high school fling?” Nevaeh, I agree with your assessment in that most men would gladly hit it, but would fall back on claiming this woman as his.  It’s almost like this female has a stamp on her forehead which signifies “used goods”.  Nobody wants to pay full price for refurbished equipment.  What straight dude wants to visualize his homeboy in any position while he is in the middle of pleasing a chick?!  I’m saying…if the “trio” ends up in the same setting amongst a small, intimate group, will all members of the “trio” feel comfortable?  Or, will it seem awkward for at least one of the members?  It’s a sticky situation.  Also, I’m aware of instances in which someone attracted to their friend’s ex asked that person for “approval”.  When this gets even stickier is if the person who has to answer isn’t honest because he/she doesn’t want to seem like he/she still cares.  “I can’t let them think I’m interested in him/her anymore.” True enough, sometimes people ask for consent as a courtesy; but, if the response is “No, I’m not cool with it”, do most people honor that and discontinue pursuit of the person?  I would say they do not.  Now, on the flip side, I think a person who doesn’t approve should be honest and voice their opinion on the subject.  If you have feelings, so what?!  Who cares?!  It’s all good.  Although, sometimes it’s not even so much about having feelings as it is the principle of the matter.  Out of the vast population of people in your city, you decide to focus on the one person your friend has already tapped?!  Why?  This is not the last person of the opposite sex you’ll be attracted to, so bounce.  “Get your own ish; why you ridin’ mine?” Although, many would agree when I say, unless it’s a ménage a’ trois, a lot of people aren’t interested in the 3-way connection. J

Sensae

<<SME Response>> We received a question to our last blog entitled “Can A Man and Woman Be Best Friends?”.   Jamal G (G for Gutta) asked the SMEs if every woman has a price to get into her panties.  The answer is:  OF COURSE NOT!  Whenever we hear the Akinyele throwback in the club (“Girl, would you #@$% me for free?”)…a gang of chicks throw their hands up HIGH.  That’s your cue.  Go get ‘em, G!

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